SHOULD MY LOVED ONE BE PLACED IN AN ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY?


For family members, it is often the most difficult and painful
decision they will face: to accept that a loved one - a parent, a
spouse, perhaps even a sibling - is technologically impaired and
should no longer be allowed to live independently, or come near a
computer or electronic device without direct supervision. The time
has come to place that loved one into the care of an Assisted
Computing Facility. But naturally you have questions. So many
questions. We at Silicon Pines want to help.


WHAT EXACTLY IS AN "ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY"?


Sometimes referred to as "Homes for the Technologically Infirm",
"Technical Invalid Care Centers," or "Homes for the Technically
Challenged," Assisted Computing Facilities (ACFs) are modeled on
assisted living facilities, and provide a safe, structured
residential environment for those unable to handle even the most
common, everyday multi-tasks.


Most fully accredited ACFs, like Silicon Pines, are an oasis of
hope and encouragement that allow residents to lead productive,
technologically relevant lives without the fear and anxiety
associated with actually having to understand or execute the
technologies themselves.


WHO SHOULD BE IN AN ACF?


Sadly, technology is advancing at such a dramatic rate that many
millions, of all ages, will never truly be able to understand it,
putting an undue burden on those friends and family members who
must explain it to them. But unless the loved one is suffering
from a truly debilitating affliction, such as Reinstallzheimers,
the decision to commit is entirely personal. You must ask
yourself: "How frustrated am I that my parent/sibling/spouse is
unable to openan email attachment?" "How much of my time should be
taken up explaining how RAM is different from hard drive memory?"
"How many times can I bear to hear my dad say,'Hey, can I replace
the motherboard with a fatherboard? Ha ha ha!'"


To make things easier, we have prepared a list of Warning Signs
which we encourage you to return to often, or, if you can't figure
out how to bookmark it, print out. Also, please take a moment to
read "I'm Glad I'm in Here! - A Resident's Story."


MUST IT BE FAMILY, OR CAN I PLACE ANYONE IN AN ACF?


Several corporations have sought permission to have certain
employees, or at times entire sales departments, committed to
ACFs. At present, however, individuals can be committed only by
direct family or self-internment. The reason is simple: there are
not nearly enough ACFs in the world to accommodate all the
technologically challenged. For example, there are currently only
860,000 beds available in ACFs, but there are 29 million AOL users.


HOW MUCH WILL IT COST?


ACF rents range from free up to $12,500 per month. The disparity
is currently a point of contention in the ACF industry. Many
residents are covered through government programs such as CompuAid
or CompuCare, but reimbursement rates are low and only cover a
portion of the fees.
Exacerbating the situation are the HelpDesk Maintenance
Organizations (HMOs), which often deny coverage, forcing residents
to pay out of pocket or turn to expensive private techcare insurers
such as BlueCache/BlueScreen.


Offsetting the costs are technology companies themselves, many of
which subsidize ACFs. Firms such as Microsoft,Dell, Qualcomm, and
America Online will pay up to 100% of a resident's monthly bill,
but there is a catch. ISPs, for instance, require residents to sign
service contracts lasting a year or more. Microsoft, meanwhile,
prohibits the installation of any competitive software, while
Priceline requires that residents buy shares of it's stock, which
seems onerous but saves residents on lavatory tissue.


HOW OLD MUST I BE TO HAVE SOMEONE COMMITTED?


Until very recently, you had to be 18 or older to legally commit a
family member. However, the now famous British court case Frazier
vs. Frazier and Frazier has cleared the way for minors to commit
their parents. In that case, 15-year-old Bradley Frazier of
Leicester had his 37-year-old parents committed to an ACF in
Bournemouth after a judge ruled Ian and Janet Frazier were a
"danger to themselves and the community." According to court
records, Bradley told his parents about the I LoveYou virus and
warned them not to click attachments, then the next day his parents
received an I LoveYou email and clicked on the attachment because,
they explained, "it came from someone we know."


WHAT SHOULD I LOOK FOR IN AN ACF?


First, make sure it's a genuine Assisted Computing Facility, and
not an Assisted Living Facility. To tell the difference, observe
the residents. If they look rather old and tend to openly discuss
bowel movements, this is probably 'assisted living.' On the other
hand, if they vary in age and say things like, "I'm supposed to
figure that out?
I'm not Bill Gates you know!," this is probably 'assisted
computing.' Also, at a well-run ACF, residents should lead full,
independent lives, and should be allowed the use of many technology
devices, including telephones, electric toothbrushes, and alarm
clocks. However, only a facility's Licensed Techcare Professionals
(LTPs) should perform computational or technological tasks such as
installing programs or saving email attachments. And LTPs should
NEVER answer residents' questions because studies have shown that
answering user questions inevitably makes things worse. Instead,
residents should simply have things done for them, relieving them
of the pressure to "learn" or "improve."


CAN A RESIDENT EVER GET OUT?


No.


OK, THIS SOUNDS PROMISING. HOW CAN I LEARN MORE?


For your enlightenment, we offer extensive information on Silicon
Pines and the ACF lifestyle, which can be found by searching with
your favorite search engine. But whatever you decide, keep in
mind that due to demand, ACFs now have long waiting lists. WebTV &
AOL users alone will take years to absorb.


We look forward to your response. Thank you.